I cant believe how lucky I was to get such an awesome little boy as my first child. I remember when I found out that I was having a boy I was sooo excited. I had always wanted a boy first, I want to have a little man to help me when daddy was gone and a sweet boy to hold when things got rough. Daddy was gone most of the time I was pregnant with you and I talked to you so much when you were in my stomach. You loved listening to music that had awesome guitar solos in them like Sweet Home Alabama and you would kick and roll so much every time I turned those songs on.
When you were born we were inseperable. We spent so much time together playing and singing and running around together. I had so much fun when it was just me and you. And now here you are almost 8 and preparing to be baptised. I can’t believe how big you are getting. I could not have asked for a better son. You are so sweet and caring. You give amazing hugs and cuddles. You still kiss me in front of your friends and hold my hand. When I visit you in your class you run over to me and hug me and kiss me and are so proud to have me as your mom. It makes my heart soar to see the happiness in your eyes when I spend time with just you. I know sometimes you get overwhelmed being the oldest child and that you feel a lot of weight and pressure that comes with that job but you do such an amazing job of helping to take care of and play with your little brothers and sister.
You are so smart and I love how much you love to learn. I love to watch you working on extra work book pages at home and seeing you find so much joy in learning. When I was little I wanted to work with Sea animals and it brings me so much happiness you see you get excited about the same things. You love Sea animals and talk about them all the time. I love to hear you find so much excitment it such special things. When you watch the Disney channel you talk about wanting to act on there one day and I remember wanting the same thing when I was your age. I see so much of me in you. You have a tender heart and cry easily. You are stubborn and strong willed, just like me. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and are always worried about other people. Your innocence and child like spirit is still so fresh from God and you sometimes get teased about these things at school. It breaks my heart to see you hurting but I wouldn’t change your innocence for anything. I hope you always hold that in your heart and that your spirit stays so tender and fresh from God.
I can’t wait to see the type of adult you will be. I know that you will be an amazing husband and father, especially if you keep your heart and mind turned toward Heavenly Father. You have so much to offer this world and I know that you are going to help and effect so many peoples lives. You have a great mission here on this earth and I know that you will be able to help people find their way back to Heavenly Father.
I hope you continue to help other people and to care so deeply about others. I hope that you never forget how happy it makes you to serve other people and how close it brings you to Heavenly Father. I love listening to your sweet prayers and to hear about your faith in God. Sometimes I know that its hard to be the oldest, your still learning about life and I am still learning how to be a mom. Hopeful we can be forgiving of each other and help each other as we navigate our paths in this life. If there is anything I could wish for you, it would be for you to find true happiness through your relationship with your Father in Heaven. I love you so much Landon and I love to look into your eyes and see your love for me. You have changed me into a better person and make me a better mother each and every day. Find peace and happiness in this life, through your service to others and your Faith in your God, my sweet boy, and I promise you that you will never be lead astray. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me even when (and especially when) I make mistakes. Thank you for holding my hand when you know Ive had a rough day and that you for trying so hard to let me know you love me. I love the sweet pictures you draw me and the wonderful stories you write. I love how excited you get about holidays and how happy you are at the fun little things in life. You find such joy in the simple things and I hope you never lose that. Keep on loving life and finding the good in everyone and everything and you will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind too.
I love you,
Today I got to spend the whole day at the zoo with just you. I was so surprised at the little boy I got to spend so much time with. Sometimes in the noise of our home I know that its hard for you to be yourself, I know that you get overwhelmed by having your little brother and sister follow your every move and them wanting to be just like you. They both love you so much that they want to be like you. I am proud of your example and how much you love them. When I found out that I was having another little boy I was so excited. I knew that you and your big brother would be the best of friends and I have found great joy in watching the two of you grow together. When you were a baby you were so quiet and sweet. I would thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a sweet and calm baby. You hardly ever cried. You were about 10 months old when anyone other then me and daddy heard you cry. You are such a blessing to our family. You love for me to cuddle you and rub your back when you get overwhelmed. I love how you much need to be held and cuddled. I love to kiss your head and whisper to you that it will be alright. I love the way your little hand fits into mine and I sometimes wish that you wanted to hold my hand more. I love that you are so rule driven and love to please people by listening and helping them.
I know that having Aspergers can be really hard and sometimes I wish that I knew how to help you better. Today at the zoo you navigated our way around the zoo by reading and following the map. You told me all about the animals and about how bear babies are called Cubs, you told me about lemurs and polar bears and lizards. One time the Gorilla came face to face with you, where the only thing between the two of you was glass and you got so excited. To see the pure look of joy on your face and how happy and giddy it made you to see the animal so close, melted my heart. It was truly one of the most amazing moments I have had as your mom. I love your Aspergers and I love who it makes you. I love that it gives you such a huge heart and a logical mind. I love that it makes things in this world seem so simple for you, that loving people comes easy to you, and that you care so much about everything. I know that your anxiety makes things a lot harder for you then it is for most people and Its so hard to watch you hurt, but its also beautiful to see you push through and try so hard to grow. I wish I could take away your fear and your pain but I know that it will only make you such a stronger man one day.
You make me lunches all the time and you are always worried about my well being, sometimes I wonder how someone so little can feel so much. I love singing you bedtime songs and listening to your bed time jokes. I love listening to your stories and learning about how things work in your mind. You are such a special little boy who has so much to offer this world. I can not even begin to tell you how much you mean to me and to this family. You changed me and continue to change me every day. I know that I mess up a lot and that I hurt you when I dont understand you, but Im trying, and we are learning together. I am so proud of how hard you work to convey to me and other people how you are feeling. You have a bright future ahead and our family will be even better because you are apart of it. Never stop caring. Never stop trying and never forget who you are. Never forget that the Aspergers isn’t a bad thing, that its a pretty remarkable thing that makes you so incredibly special and amazing. Not many people are as blessed as you. With great trials come such great blessings and you defintely have a hard trial to live with my sweet little B, but I know you can concure this life and come out so strong and faithful. Keep fighting for who you are and never forget that you are a son of God and as his son you are heir to all of his blessings. I love you so much and couldn’t ask for a better little boy.